Alot of my female friends, from my age to younger and older, are disheartened (for lack of a better word) about how it seems that guys only want the…….(you know). Most girls feel that they mature quicker than boys (which I totally disagree with, not in the sense that it’s the reverse, but rather it’s a person by person thing. Gender isn’t involved. But thats a whole other discussion) and that they want to settle, while guys are just trying to get it in.
I don’t think this is true for all guys, because many of my friends and I are guys who dont go for girls just for sex. But I don’t wanna be a hypocrite, and say that I don’t wanna have sex. Thats non-sense. As much as I know in my heart that I don’t go after girls just for their sex, I do fantasize. I do feel urges, and physical attraction. Thats natural for everybody. And I cant sit here and say that there isn’t at least some chance that if the right girl at the right time offers me the ass, its reasonable to believe I’m throwin away all my good morals, and good guy talk, and blowin that back out. Thats just real.
I can at least be honest about that, and admitting that helps me keep myself out of certain situations. I never have been a guy who only wants sex.Thats just not me. I care about women and being a gentleman more than they even know. But I do wanna explain why it seems like guys only want the ass. I do want to emphatically make the point that I am NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT tryna justify it. I just wanna give women context (even tho it sucks cuz after all those nots, somebody will still think I am. smh)
First, there are many ways in which having sex is one of the things that every guy is socialized to believe is tied to his manhood. Just as much as women are taught to keep their virginity, we are taught that you aren’t a man unless you lose yours (#T.I.Voice) ASAP ASAP. It happens at a very, very early age.
Every guy knows that time in middle school, where if you asked every guy if he was a virgin, only like two outta a group of ten would admit it. Its a complex self-esteem thing (one that honestly, maybe women just wont understand, but i’mma at least try to explain). Sex and male sexuality is given so much importance at a young age.
Not having sex often, or being a virgin is looked down on by your peers. Its reminds me of that J. Cole line in “Wont Be Long”: dear momma, ya son hurtin/ caught up in this cold world where niggas shun virgins/ and praise hoes..” Guys make fun of you harshly, and sometimes even girls do too. Some women (virgins or non-virgins) openly admit they find guys who are virgins to either be “cute” (in that “friend zone” kinda way), unattractive, or inexperienced. And how many guys our age would openly admit they are virgins?…….don’t worry, I’ll wait. Or even older ages, think about if you knew a real 40 Year Old Virgin, how would people treat him?…..Exactly.
Another reason is sometimes we get confused and think thats what girls like. It seems like a guy who is trying to get the ass is more aggressive and direct, traits that girls like in a man. Some women take being a gentleman as being too “soft, passive, slow, nice” or any other adjective used to describe a good guy.
So think about what is going through a guys head when he sees that a girl has had sex with a guy who (from his point of view) only wanted to get the ass from the get go. We are gonna think that is what that particular girl wanted. Now, I need to make a point: thinking that is extremely wrong, nearsighted, and bogus on our part. It really is. But still, thats what we think. Because we don’t see the game, the deceit, him making you think he loves you, the courtship, etc. We don’t see any of that. All we see is the facts. All we can interpret (in this case misinterpret) are the facts.
We also get frustrated waiting for it, especially if the girl has had sex already. I’m NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT saying its right, but it true for some guys. If a girl is a virgin, it makes it easier to wait, even though its still hard as shit for most men (even for guys who considers their will power to be extremely high). But if the girl has had sex before, and she makes you wait, its alot harder. Cuz this is our logic (and please, dont just dismiss it. Just like guys have one-sighted, possibly dumb logic for some things, women do too. Take it for what it is):
Premise: Girls are less likely to have sex, becuase to them (in general) it is a more wholistic committment. So if a girl has sex with a guy, she either must really love/like him, or is at the very least, sexually attracted to him enough to have sex.
Guy Logic: A) She had sex with him-> B)But she doesn’t want to have it with me-> C) What did she feel for him that she doesn’t feel for me?-> D) Does that mean she liked/loved him in a way she doesn’t like/love me?” Answer: (At most) Yes. (At Least) Maybe.
So put that altogether: society tells you that you ain’t a man less you got the ass, your peers who did get the ass are making fun of you cuz you didn’t, your peers who didn’t (but lied and said they did) are making fun you cuz you didn’t, girls who have had sex, and even girls who are virgins sometimes make fun of you, and then go have sex wit the guys that only want sex. Then in the event that you do get the ass, people judge off the frequency to which you get ass. Society also tells you that if girls dont wanna have sex with you, then you aren’t desirable, lovable, attractive, etc.
Thats a helluva assault on your self-esteem. But I just wanted to bring that to light. Another reiteration, I AM NOT JUSTIFYING IT . Dudes who only go after girls for the ass are wrong. Dudes who don’t go after girls just for the ass but still want to have sex eventually are normal. Dudes who don’t want to have sex at all, they don’t exist.
But I wanted yall to know some some of reasoning behind the way guys think and see what guys deal with. Just wanted to be open.
Sorry fellas if I told some secrets
We Out Here,